Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The REAL Stadium Clean Up

Yeah. Most of you out there know very little about what I do as the coordinator of all things Salt Company (Jack Trice) Stadium Cleanup besides drive around the concourses with an EZ-Go golf cart, answer my phone, and talk like I'm in charge to make me look important. While all of those are valid tasks of mine (the latter the most precisely correct), there is alot more that goes into cleanups that I won't expound on. Except---the REAL stadium cleanup.
This begins when everyone else has done their part and enjoyed some pizza. Although a seemingly daunting task, with the right people and a spoonful of sugar (just makes everything go down better), re-cleaning the stadium is a whole lots of fun! Heres what we do as soon as we tell people to go home:

1. Purify the Club section of Salt Co. cooties.

2. Give magical rides on the EZ-GO (or when I'm lucky, the Gator =)) to set the stragglers off in the right direction.

3. Return supplies to the annex shed which, I have decided, would make a great place for a horror film with all its horror-like supplies and deep dark shadows.

4. Begin on the concourses playing what I've decided to call "Trash, Trash, Leaf". This game requires a mode of transportation, trash bags, gloves, keen eyesight, and friendly laughter to spot and make a dash for each piece of left-over trash, while the others whoop and hollar encouragements (not uncommonly,"DO IT.") or join in the mindless running-abouts. The game got its name from the repetetive experience of spotting what looks to be like trash, but is in fact, the common leaf.

5. Move onto the parking lots, and pick up some serious driving speed. We're talking 20, 25 mph here-- the big leagues. Don't come without a signed release. Also, this is when the drive-by pick-ups begin. Although this requires me to basically come to a complete stop on the driving apparatus, it is a polished feat of which Laura and Brian are the running champions.

6. Find cool finds. Like brawtwursts so far gone they look like human feces, or sunglasses, or a bike helmet, or maybe even an un-manned running dumptruck.

7. If you're Lauren, scream at possessed beer cans spewing beer. If you're Laura, laugh hysterically at Lauren. If you're Elena, run and jump on the can, exploding it into oblivion. If you're Karissa, continue picking up trash uttering but a slight chuckle and amused grin.

8. Fill the cart's bed with trash, but be sure to leave some breathing room for Lauren.
9. Throw trash into dumpster, preferably not all over the ground or self.

10. Commemorate good times with photos or possibly a quick run through the sprinklers on the field.
11. (Optional). Get in trouble for being on the field by a security guard, and when asked, tell the truth so convincingly he doesn't ask any more questions and lets you go.

12. Lock up the stadium gates.
13. Try to cram everyone into Elena's car filled with coolers and water jugs. Leave the stadium singing.

And that my friends, is what happens when "stadium cleanup" ends.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Wolves and Moons, Please.

How have I been so nieve all this time?
There is a shirt out there...a shirt with magical powers. How do I know, you ask? Over a thousand reviews have spoken the awesome majesty that accompanies this shirt endowed with three wolves howling at the moon. Dwight of The Office proudly wears this tee around his girthy frame, and even ABC and NBC News thinks its worth their precious reporting time. Need I say any more? Check out the first-hand experiences here. You will be nothing less than amazed.
Here's a taste:

Great compliment for my skin art, May 19, 2009
overlook1977 (Raleigh, NC United States) - See all my reviews
Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.

So do yourself a favor and make a believer out of yourself. I hope this gem of a video helps.