beautiful distraction.

A couple weeks ago was the TSC retreat, and I attended as always. I've been battling a barrier between me and my King, and He chose this weekend to reveal this analogy to help me understand how to choose Him (whew, that was a mouthful!).

This barrier is a chasm. Me on one side and Christ on the the other, beckoning me to be with Him. But a many chasms are, it a beautiful distraction, and Christ looks small and feels distant. The rushing river below is deafeningly loud, stealing my attention. I can see that it is deep and dark and to fall would be certain death;the darkness consuming, the swift tide sweeping, or the collision shattering.

I call out to Him and I can see that He is calling for me too, but the roar of the river is too loud. Yet I know, He hears me. I yell for help-- for a way to reach Him--and like His refining character, He provides a bridge for me to labor over towards Him. He does not simply close the chasm as His power might suggest, but in His sovereignty chose to give me a way to choose Him.

I step onto the small but firm limb and with each step realize what He is allowing me to overcome. The gorge still plunges, reaching for my heart, claiming fear in the darkness of the unknown. But as I change my view from void to His face, my step becomes light and my foothold sure. I begin to race to the other side, confident of the promise He has made to be all that I need and want. But yet I run to the end of the limb and find that it does not reach the other side. I am confused, but I know that I must cross to conquer for once this gaping chasm. And then clarity comes as I see that this is not an end but an opportunity for faith. I fix my eyes on Him and slowly step where I know there is no support. I do not fall. I blink in astonishment and He is there beside me. He picks me up and carries me across, lifting my fears and expectations from my shoulders to His.

He speaks only these words, "My child, I am so glad you have come."

We walk together and time escapes as He shares Himself and His love for me. The chasm I once knew so vividly still rages behind, but as I walk with Him the roar becomes a mumble and then a whisper until I can hear it no more. Still I never forget what lies behind us because I know that if I were to part with Him, I would find myself back at the gorge or one of many others like it. To cross back over the the other side, I know, would lead only to death.

I remain content, and even filled with joy to walk with Him as he leads me ever into the thickening forest, along the path which He has promised to lead to His home. My home.

Epiphany

I had one today.

Let me clarify: Jesus gave me an epiphany today.

I often mull over how much I love being a goer, how I love being used by the Lord to share the Good News with those who haven't heard. I get to hear about it from the Bible and people with crazy awesome experience at Perspectives, and also from a lot of my close friends. I have also been blessed to be a goer myself at times, most impactfully (?) to South Asia.

Here is my faulty thinking. I often say I'd love to return to South Asia as a goer and reference my love for the people there, the culture, etc., and that I want to share the gift that is Jesus with them. But I've got it all backwards. I need to love Jesus first and more. Why should I be a goer? Because Jesus is my Saviour, my treasure, and my pleasure to share and I want bring Him glory.

Seems so simple, and my head has known this for a long time. But in the action of loving internationals here as I would those nationals overseas, my heart lost track of the ultimate treasure. I began to love internationals from my own limited supply of human love, instead of being filled with His love through meeting with Him. I shared him as a gift, not a treasure.

Now, the adventure begins again. I get to re-discover my King as the indescribable beauty He is.